Category: Family

12 Cedar Roses

For Merianna on our 12th Wedding Anniversary…

12 Cedar Roses

From the cedars in our yard,
I gathered what time had folded as
cones that had become blossoms,
spirals turning the world inward
like memory, like prayer.

12 cedar roses,
for twelve years that have ripened into ring and root.
Not perfect, no bloom is,
but resilient, fragrant with rain,
their brown petals open as if listening.

You, across the table,
the light falling through the window like grace,
half of our meal left untouched because we were talking again
about the kids, about work, about that wild dream
of a small school and church, or maybe just rest.

We have built this life
not from marble or vows,
but from mornings and errands,
from the long silence of growing beside one another,
like those cedars in our front yard,
their roots weaving underground,
trading water, sharing breath and the prayers of photosynthesis.

Each rose is a year we learned
to bend without breaking,
to find the sacred in the daily,
to let the seasons speak through us as
green, gold, bare, then green again.

When the wind moves through their branches tonight,
I will hear the rustle of your laughter,
the sound that still steadies me,
and I’ll remember:
Love is not a bloom we hold,
but the trees that keeps making them.

Denominational Journeys and Paths

Eucharist

Merianna, the kids, and I decided to make the trip up the mountain to Asheville, NC on Sunday (I keep finding it astonishing that we’re so close to Asheville now after our move back to Spartanburg, SC, last year) for church and a family visit to our favorite local pizza place. 

We worshipped with Asheville First Congregational United Church and their pastor, Rev. Dr. Kendra G. Plating. Merianna and Kendra were friends from their time together at First Baptist Greenville, as well as our Cooperative Baptist Fellowship community here in SC. I’m always curious about the religious journeys that people take in and out of and through various congregations and denominations, and how those journeys shape the person and they shape those communities.

Walking alongside Merianna in her journey through seminary and then being a CBF pastor and then ultimately a pastor in the United Church of Christ was a fascinating period of development and growth, and we often talked about the “how’s” and “why’s” of that walk over the years.

My own journey in faith is tangled in denominational and polity wanderings. Growing up as a Southern Baptist in rural South Carolina, I felt a call to ministry and that attraction to religion as a cornerstone for my life fairly early (15? 16? I wish I’d written more of that down as a young person). While attending Wofford College, I realized that my denominational sentiments leaned more towards the Methodist tradition (Wofford is a Methodist college, after all). I was convinced I’d end up as a Methodist minister (as a member of the Wesley Fellowship and frequent participant in campus church, the Methodist State Conference we hosted at Wofford every summer, and especially our Tuesday afternoon Chapel services). I evidently upset a girlfriend’s mom by making the flippant remark that “maybe I’d go Catholic” as I was toying with the idea of “high church” after getting to travel to Europe. I never did end up making the formal leap to Methodism. However, Methodist liturgy and hymns still play a big part in my life, and I frequently use those when leading services. 

When I arrived at Yale Divinity, I wasn’t exactly sure what to call myself, and there was no polity class for my technical status as a still-Southern-Baptist. So, I found myself taking American Baptist courses, much to the confusion of my advisor. It was a happy accident, and I also grew to respect and cherish what I found in the American Baptist tradition (especially given the short drive to the City for Riverside Baptist Church services on MLK weekends). I graduated from Yale Div as a still-Southern-Baptist, however.

Shortly after graduating, I ended up teaching (science!) at Hammond School back in South Carolina. A colleague’s spouse was the head of a group called the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship in South Carolina. Perhaps the selling point for me was that President Jimmy Carter was also a member of the CBF and taught Sunday School in his hometown church. I began to attend services at the local CBF church in Columbia, and it felt like I had finally landed in a fellowship structure that fit me and that I fit as well. I attended Gardner-Webb University Divinity a few years later and met many good friends and colleagues who are now serving or did serve in the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship as pastors and leaders. Some of those have ventured into other denominations such as Presbyterian, Methodist, Southern Baptist, and UCC. I finally had my Baptist ordination signed (by 3 women, I might add) in 2014 and remain a member of Emmanuel Baptist Fellowship in Lexington, SC.

Now, as Merianna and I look to the next part of our joint journey and our individual paths of calling, we are discussing polity, denominational structure, and liturgy. Being that we’re both ordained (in two separate denominations), these talks can get tricky when we discuss the possibilities of joining a new church here in Spartanburg and what that might look like for us and especially for our children (infant baptism? blessings? open communion?). 

It’s fascinating (to use that word again) how telling the story of our life journeys can seem so complex and winding unless you’ve lived the story. In my head, teaching Physics and Physical Science for almost 20 years easily explains my PhD work in Ecology, Spirituality, and Religion. Growing up a Southern Baptist influenced by Methodism, Aquinas, Quaker polity, Dead Sea Scrolls, and Catholicism (and Rosicrucianism and more esoteric faith traditions) makes for a completely coherent path in my own mind. 

Wherever this journey takes us, I’ll continue to find inspiration and revelation along the path. I like to think God demands that of us who choose to listen to the still small voice of the Divine whispering in a rush of wind, in the garden, and late at night as long-haired teenagers dreaming about the future (or as grey short haired men in their late 40’s telling stories and trying to understand the universe one day at a time).

Ben’s Awards Day 2025

So proud of Sam Jr. for achieving all A’s for the year, the highest academic average, and a top iReady score in his 3rd-grade year (and a PE award!).

I was a teacher in Middle and High Schools for almost 20 years, and I’ve never been exactly fond of “awards days” for several pedagogical reasons (at least how they were carried out in the schools where I taught), though I don’t think we should diminish the hard work of young people. One of my favorite memories as a classroom teacher is getting a “talking to” by admin for having in-class awards that evidently overshadowed the main Middle School awards program later that day. But I digress (I think it’s ok to let your students see you cry in happiness over their accomplishments and accomplishments don’t always equal arbitrary or objective letter grades). Over the years, I’ve won many awards in my academic and life journey, but now I understand in my old age why some artists don’t show up for the Grammys.

Unfortunately, we still live in a “don’t smile until December” atmosphere in many schools, and our teachers are sorely underpaid and underappreciated for their tireless work, especially in our current society.

However, being a parent on the other side of the equation, and seeing the amount of hard work that Ben put into his studies and all he’s worked towards this year, gives me hope for our future.

The kids are alright. We just need to work on us adults. Be kind. Smile more. Let the Little Ones know that they are loved and cared for and are valued.

You fathers and you mothers
Be good to one another
Please try to raise your children right
Don’t let the darkness take ’em
Don’t make ’em feel forsaken
Just lead them safely to the light
When this old world has blown us under
And all the stars from fall this sky
Remember someone really loves you
We’ll live forever you and I

Camp Croft Picnic with Little One

We spent a good deal of “Pandemic Time” camping around South Carolina’s State Parks once they reopened. I think back fondly on those times, even as uncertain as they were. We’ve been pass holders to our incredible State Park system ever since. With the move back to Spartanburg last year, I think this might be the summer we get a lot more usage out of the pass!

Camp Croft is just a few miles from our home now, so Lily and I decided to enjoy a picnic by Lake Craig there this morning to celebrate the end of her school year as well as mine (first year of PhD studies is in the books!). She was excited about the baby geese and the Pop-Tarts she had smuggled in. I was excited to see her enjoying such a beautiful place.

Let’s hope our current government leaders don’t do anything as misguided as wrecking state park systems, as they’ve managed to do with our federal parks and Forest Service. 

Croft | South Carolina Parks Official Site:

Once an army training base, Croft State Park covers more than 7,000 acres of rolling, wooded terrain just a few miles from downtown Spartanburg. The park offers over 20 miles of biking and hiking trails, a playground, picnicking and camping, as well as fishing and boating in one of two lakes.

Ark Moments

The Beatles arrived in NYC for the first time 61 years ago. I’ve been a big fan since I was a young person in rural South Carolina, intent on making my southern accent disappear by listening to too much of their music (along with David Bowie, Led Zeppelin, and Tom Petty’s Florida / California twang). I miss that accent now and wonder what I would sound like had I not tried to match McCartney’s pitch or Lennon’s subtle phrases all those hours in my bedroom with a ceiling that I painted black (thanks to the Stones).

It’s also the re-release of Wilco’s album a ghost is born. I was 25 (almost 26) when the album was released in 2004. The songs sound much different now than they did in my hazy memories of 25. Now, as the dad of five young people and after a 20 or so year stint in the classroom as a Middle and High School Teacher scattered with some adjunct university teaching, there’s an earnestness of trying to preserve something that comes through. Tweedy called the album an “ark” (in the Noah or Utnapishtim or Atrahasis sense) of such as he was in a bad spot at the time and thought it might be his goodbye. He wanted to preserve some of his better parts for his children. There are panthers, hummingbirds, a muzzle of bees, spiders, a fly (and he re-explores Noah’s ark in his future as well),

I didn’t pick up on that as a 25 or 26 year old. I get it now as a 46 year old.

I like to stand outside with a black walnut tree on the property we share and reflect on things after getting the little ones off to school. I’m thinking of ark moments this morning and wondering what the black walnut will take with it after our human family here has moved along down the paths of life and death. I wonder why or when it had a few of its limbs chopped off to afford a powerline that runs adjacent to our property. I wonder if any other children have ever climbed the walnut or hung a tire swing on its limbs before. I wonder what it thought of Helene or if it even did.

All of these ark moments that we hold dear ebb and flow with time and yet we say that our souls remain.

Or as Tweedy sang, “theologians, they don’t know nothing about my soul…”

Running The Good Race

My amazing 17-year-old daughter Mary-Hudson is running the Chicago Marathon this year and raising money for By The Hands with her efforts… this is something she is really passionate about and a really wonderful cause if you have a few dollars to spare!

BTH:

I’ve always believed that every child deserves the opportunity to succeed—no matter where they come from. That’s why I’m making my miles more meaningful by fundraising for By The Hand Club For Kids, an incredible after-school program that helps children in under-resourced neighborhoods build brighter futures.

DIY Lego Millennium Falcon

My 8-year-old son accomplished Luke’s X Wing in a similar fashion last week. I don’t think he understands how proud I am of him for taking the initiative to do that on his own, but I think we found our next summer project… would lead to great conversations about sustainability as well!

Colorful DIY Lego Millennium Falcon:

Using the official instructions and bricks from their own collection, a father & son team built a colorful DIY version of Lego’s massive Millennium Falcon (7541 pieces, $830 MSRP, kitty for scale).

Moving On From Wilson Hall

This week marks the end of a significant chapter in my life as our family says goodbye to Wilson Hall, where I have had the privilege of teaching AP Physics, Environmental Science, and Life Science and coaching golf (and Ben completed 2nd Grade, Emmy completed PK, and Lily was basically born this past school year). It’s hard to encapsulate the depth of my experience in a single post, but as I reflect on my time here, I am filled with gratitude and a sense of accomplishment.

From the early mornings prepping experiments to the late afternoons spent discussing complex theories before heading to the golf course, every moment has been a testament to the power of education and the joy of learning.

One of the highlights of my time here has been the field trips, like the recent one to Charleston, SC. Watching my students engage with the USS Yorktown, explore Fort Sumter, and marvel at the beauty of Magnolia Plantation reminded me why I chose this profession. These experiences extend learning beyond the classroom and foster a deeper connection to the world around us.

To my students: You have been the heart of my experience at Wilson Hall. Your curiosity, resilience, and eagerness to learn have been a constant source of inspiration. Keep questioning, exploring, and pushing the boundaries of your knowledge. The world needs your bright minds and passionate hearts!

As I move on, I am thrilled about the future and the new challenges that await me. I am particularly excited about my latest venture, StudiesLab, where I aim to create an innovative learning environment for gifted young people.

I wrote this 11 years ago when I left Carolina Day in Asheville, and it seems like a good passage to include here as well:

My views and philosophy on education necessitate that I follow a different path. I’m not exactly sure what that looks like (“the woods are lovely dark and deep”). Yet I know that drive will take me and my career down a road that is still covered in snow because I have miles to go before I sleep (beg pardon of Robert Frost there).

So what’s next? I have a couple of interviews at exciting schools but I also have the nagging persistence of StudiesLab.

StudiesLab is a business plan and educational model I’ve had written for years in my head (and on paper) of decentralized, cooperative and authentic education based not on 19th century content delivery for Victorian factory workers but on current research aimed at producing world changers. A place for round pegs in a world of square holes. A prayer for hope and humility and learning.

Or something like that.

Black Friday Joys

Revelations from Dollywood…

Black Friday Joys – Merianna Neely Harrelson:

I have always found the juxtaposition of having Black Friday right before Advent begins jarring. Just as we are preparing to welcome the most powerful presence to earth in the humblest beginnings, our culture is flooding us with messaging that we need more and more, especially when it is a deal. Maybe instead what we need to start the Advent season is the joy of being present with each other and seeing the world through someone’s else’s eyes. Their firsts become our reminders to live here and now with gratitude.

My 12 Problems

Here are the “12 Problems” I’ve built my current life around. These are non-negotiables, and they are also the focus of everything I do. If a situation doesn’t fit into one of these problems, I’ll generally relegate it, delegate it, or ignore it. 

I don’t generally recommend this practice for everyone. It’s a very difficult ethical standard to hold, and it can be cumbersome to run the mental math of “which problem am I trying to solve?” at any given time.

However, this approach’s clarity and focus far outweigh the negatives.

Here are my 12 Problems. I highly urge you to come up with your own:

  1. How can I have a positive impact on this world?

  2. How can I thrive while operating contrary to the dominant social or cultural trends?

  3. How can I inspire young people to appreciate learning as a practice?

  4. How do I provide for my family while remaining true to my calling?

  5. How can I live with the most ethical sustainability while not sacrificing my enrichment in balance with the Creation?

  6. How can I be the best role model for my espoused ideals and ethics as presented to my children and students?

  7. How can I live according to nature (kata phusin in Stoicism)?

  8. What does it mean to really be an effective teacher who can make connections and expand the worldview of my students?

  9. How can I be a good Dad, and what does that mean?

  10. How can I be a good partner, and what does that mean?

  11. How can I explore my own self and brain and express that in my life?

  12. How do I always maintain my own curiosity despite the challenges that the outside world might present?

Thinking About Screentime

I’ve become much more of a book person as I’ve gotten older. Also, notebooks. That would seem quizzical to my younger self that reveled in every new productivity and reading app released on iOS or Android as I combed through blogs, subreddits, and Twitter lists, looking for the latest and greatest note-taking app.

Alas, getting old is interesting.

Screentime is definitely something that’s been on the front of my mind for the last few decades as I’ve welcomed children into this world (including Lily as of August 1!) and young people ranging from 12 to 18 into my classrooms. 

I plan to read this book, so I’m using this as a space-saver for myself to return to when I’m done (and in the middle of the school year).

Screentime is a fascinating cultural concept. The amount of “screentime” we actually consume is lower than it’s ever been (no, really). But is the measurement of “time” really what we should be focused on or worried about?

Regardless, my students will still have their devices in the “off” mode, and we’ll focus on the great ideas with our brains, pen/cil, paper, and each other’s voices like we’ll continue to not have devices on during dinners or downstairs time here in our home…

A Different Way to Think About Screentime:

Parents have a hard time when they don’t know something. I’ve written this elsewhere, but I think one of the basic things that underlies a lot of the book bannings and pronoun panics from parent-activists on the far-right is the very simple fact that parents don’t know what their kids do all day. My daughter Maeve is 7, and I volunteered this spring to help with a field trip for her first-grade class. The bus was late, and so I ended up just sitting in her classroom for about 45 minutes while the day went on as usual. Maeve is very talkative, and she loves telling us stories about her day, but it wasn’t until I sat in that classroom that I realized how little I actually knew about what the ordinary beats of that day were like, what the social dynamics were, what kind of job her wonderful teacher — hello, Mr. Diego Fernandez — is tasked with doing.